things i know about you

shannon, you are wise beyond your years. you go not go by nicknames, you are not shani or shan shan or even just shan. cordially, shannon. you wear dress pants to your job, you know that the bank is closed on sundays. shannon you are rational and full of solutions, you have never doubted which side the stamp goes on. shannon you own shoe polish, a sewing kit, your car smells like the armor all wipes that you clean it with every other day. shannon, you are one month younger than me. shannon, you are many years older than me. you do not like theme parks, you do not like when people sing to you for your birthday; or any birthday. you do not like trying new things on menus, you do not like learning the names of strangers. shannon, you do not speak up in groups, shannon your arms are always crossed- why are they always crossed? shannon you think i am strange. shannon, i am afraid for you. i do not generally like to acknowledge fear, but for you i am afraid.
i am afraid that your todays reflect your tomorrows. i am afraid that you have not driven with the windows down and music playing loudly enough that anyone besides yourself can hear. i'm afraid that you've never fallen down and hurt your knee, or spent any amount of time laughing at yourself. shannon, i am afraid that you never think to sing off key, or to scream in the dark, to tell a scary story, to meet a new person, or try new anything, or learn some strange hobby, or run until your sides hurt.
shannon, you have told me that i seem crazy to you. you may not understand why i check out 20 books from the library at once, why i always pick flowers or why i check to see if any piece of paper on the floor is a love note. you may not understand why i drank a gallon of milk in one sitting just to see if i could, and later puked up a gallon of milk and became a vegan for a while. you may not understand why i thought we should buy and fly a kite that one time, or why i said we should try to make our own ouiji board.
       whats the point? you said, picking invisible lint off your sweatshirt. whats the point? you asked, your forehead creased with stress.
       whats the point, shannon? the point is that there is none, and you are missing all of it. the point is that if you are afraid of life, how can you say you are living it?
shannon, i understand. shannon i was once afraid, too, because i didn't like the idea of a sloppy life. and i know that i sound like i think my way is better than yours, and i'm sorry, sort of, if i sound arrogant, but shannon, every time i ask you how you are, you frown and say fine. or okay. and how is that okay?